Sunny side: The end is near

24 June, 2013

The end is near

I'm sitting in the living room on my chair. I have my family around me. All that remains now is the end.

I go in and out of life. Sometimes I get lost in a daze. While I'm away, I hear everything that is said. It is weird. Feels like an intoxication, the body is completely gone, I can not do anything, just exist. Sometimes it lasts longer, sometimes shorter. It comes more often now.

The disease is in its final stage. I hurt both mentally and physically. I can take pills for the pain, so I do not hurt. I have family here around me and get the help I need, and that is good.

But the pain in my heart no one can take away. The pain and sorrow because I have to say goodbye to everyone. All those I am fond of pain and grief that no one can understand, no one can take away.

Why! Why me.

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Preface

This is the English translation of Anja Merete's blog “Solsiden”, originally written in Norwegian by Anja Merete and myself, her husband.

“Solsiden” means “The Sunny Side”, and was started shortly after Anja Merete was diagnosed with breast cancer. The name of the blog was meant as a contrast, irony towards the “verdict” from the medics.

The choice of top picture strengthens the irony, the catastrophe. It's a part of a publicity still from the Roland Emmerich movie 2012 (Columbia Pictures), with sunrise over the end of the world.

At first the blog was thought to serve as communication towards friends outside the near family. Anja would call the closest ones with news. She would keep on as long as she would endure, given the present situation. Then, the rest could get some details further than a simple status on Facebook.

It did not take much time to reach new contacts aswell; People with experience of breast cancer in near family. Other breast cancer patients. Nurses. Medics. More and more professionals and professions would use the blog for educational purposes. Media would contact Anja Merete for expert advice and fact checks and quotes.

All the while media, especially TV news broadcasts, have full focus on breast cancer, on how treatable it is, how many get cured, almost nobody dies from, and the huge problem being the low priority public hospitals give breast reconstruction (while private practices were, was and are busy repairing healthy breasts).

It is important to remember breast cancer still kills. It really seems like it is not. The “almost nobody” who dies from the disease is, among others, my wife. She is not “almost nobody”. Not even close. Not yet. And for some, she will never be.

This is the story of the patient who never played along with the rest of good statistics regarding breast cancer in the 2010's. It is presented in blog form. In reverse order. Back dated.

Be adviced: Blog entries are published as soon as they are translated. It will take quite some time to get up to date with the original blog.